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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Relationship Expert Yvonne Chase Takes Aim at Steve Harvey's 90-Day Rule and View on Single Mothers Dating in THINK LIKE A MAN





Relationship expert Yvonne Chase, who appeared on Cinema In Noir this past weekend, was ever so kind to contribute a recap post here (cross-linked from her website), which further details her thoughts on the dating rulebook in the film Think Like a Man. Read her take on it below:

Friday night I went to see Think Like a Man with a white male friend because I wanted to hear what a non-black male would say about it. He had never heard of Steve Harvey or Kevin Hart and the only person he recognized was Wendy Williams.
When I went to the red carpet Hollywood premiere back in February, the theater was packed with the entire cast and tons of black people. On Friday night, the theatre was more than half empty, which was very surprising, and the crowd didn’t erupt in laughter like we did at the premiere.
At the end of the movie, my friend and I had a discussion about it. He said if I didn’t suggest it, it’s not a movie he would’ve ever paid to see. He found Kevin [Hart] quite overbearing, thought Michael Ealy’s character Dominic was the most sensible of all the guys, and Meagan Good’s Mya was the most solid out of the ladies.
Here's my take on the film:
What did I think of Think Like a Man? Honestly, I thought I was watching a Kevin Hart comedy special. That guy is funny! I had no idea how funny he was until this movie. For me, there needed to be a bit more balance between comic relief and story. I also felt like I rolled over at 2am from a sleepless night, grabbed the remote and was hit over the head with an infomercial for the book. In addition, I didn’t like the fact that among all the guys, the one that had it all together was a white guy. Gary Owens’ character Bennett was a devoted husband who took pride in spending time with his wife and taking his kids to violin recitals. Why couldn’t he be black? My friend wondered the same, and like me he also wondered why Hart’s character had to be married to a loud mouth overbearing black woman. He said it further promotes the stereotypes he hears too often from his black male friends. Also, is this the last black movie to be made ever? Every working black actor was cast in this movie except Loretta Divine.

What are the rules of love? The number one rule is honesty. If you want a relationship, say it. If you want to be married, say it. If you’re a man whore moving from bed to bed not looking for anything serious, say it. If you’re a loose booty lady looking for a free meal and a hook up, say it. Communicate clearly what you want leaving no shades of gray and be prepared to deal with the consequences. Everyone wins when we follow the Golden Rule while dating: date others the way you want others to date you.
What do I think about the 90-day Rule? I think we need to lose the 90-day rule. According to [Harvey], a man should wait at least 90 days before you engage him sexually. 90 days gives you time to see if he’s the real deal or a player. We’ve reduced sex to a physical activity and we’ve forgotten that it’s so much more than that. If we abide by this completely flawed 90-day rule, how many men will we have slept with by the time we say, “I Do,” if we ever say it? When a man knows a woman is operating by the 90-day rule, his sole purpose is to divide and conquer…pun intended. If you are going to abide by this rule, I say keep this information to yourself otherwise your cookie is his on day 91.

What are my thoughts on Taraji P. Henson’s character, Lauren? Women need to understand how men choose. I’ve been saying this for years to the point that I feel like a scratched record…while a man appreciates the Lauren in you and all of your accomplishments, men don’t choose based on that criteria. That’s how women choose. Women look at cash, cars and career. Men are attracted to the physical then stick around based on the internal; a beautiful mind, heart and soul.
Do I agree with Steve Harvey's advice to single mothers dating? No. In the movie, Harvey says a single mother should introduce her child to her date sooner than later. He says, if you date a man for six months and your kid doesn’t like him, you’ve wasted six months. Most single mothers date with their child in mind. Most single mothers know if their child will like or dislike someone. I say don’t introduce your kid to anyone other than the one you’re courting to marry and make the introduction when you feel it’s right. Protect your children at all costs.
Here’s something else I’d like to point out. It doesn’t have to be either or. We saw him in Something New with Sanaa Lathan and Blair Underwood and we see him again in this movie with Henson and Morris Chestnut—the stiff, uptight, educated, well-spoken, well dressed, professional man with nothing else to talk about besides his next promotion or project. There are educated men out there with great personalities, a sense of humor, fun spirit and engaging conversation. Those attributes are not reserved for the blue collar Dominics of the world that haven’t quite got it all together.
There is no room for mind games and manipulation when hearts are involved. In every game, there’s a winner and a loser. Remember that the next time you show up to a relationship playing games.
Something to think about…
What say you…did you see the movie? What did you think? Are you a 90-day rule woman? Are you a lady who thinks like a man? How is that working for you? How does a man think? Chime in…

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