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Monday, November 12, 2012

Top 10 Worst Video Game Movies Ever

Hollywood has a way of tainting some our favorite TV shows, children’s board games and even classic movies with terrible remakes and adaptations. But perhaps one of its worst offenses is how the big screen has treated our video games for nearly twenty years.

Poor scripts, crappy acting and disastrous sequels have left us suffering post-traumatic stress. Though we hate to dig up those feelings again, let’s light a candle for those bad movies inspired by video games that we dare never speak of again:
Super Mario Bros (1993): Oh, a live action version of two little men that jump over mushrooms and smash their heads into bricks wasn’t a good movie? Duh. How this even made it to the big screen, we’ll never know. Not even the hilarious John Leguizamo could save this movie.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001): Angelina Jolie, bless her heart, is a really good dramatic actress. Too bad she can’t seem to find an action movie worth her time. And her role as a daisy duke sporting cave warrior who faces off against underground creatures is no exception.  It’s an empty and surprisingly boring adaptation.

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (2012): Once you introduce the idea of another dimension in your already weak horror film franchise, chances are you’re tapped out, after only one previous film. Add the gratuitous 3D and you’ve got the makings of a true dud.

Max Payne (2008): This shouldn’t have been as bad as it was. It’s a slick, neo-noir revenge film, with the current Hollywood-appointed action figure Mark Wahlberg as the title character. But with a dull script and unconvincing performances, the movie left us rooting for the bad guys.

Double Dragon (1994): We bet y’all thought we forgot about this one, huh? This completely outrageous plot that follows two teens and a magical medallion in a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles was laughable, at best. There’s just too much going on here, and nothing good.

Street Fighter (1994): We know Jean-Claude Van Damme is one of the founding fathers of action movies, but we will never forgive him for this one. It’s like a parody of every film of its genre, with more struggle face.

House of the Dead (1993): At the very least this ridiculous movie about a bunch of teens who wander off onto a deserted island and turn into zombie bait gave us a few laughs, but it failed live up to expectations. It wasn’t scary; it was just sad.

Final Fantasy:  For a movie that holds the record of having the biggest price tag in the history of video game movies, it sure wasted no dollars on a decent screenplay. Sure, the talent (which included Ving Rhames and Alec Baldwin) was there, but no amount of money and flashy effects could have overshadowed the ultimate mess it was.

Tron: Legacy (2010): We’re sure there was a plot here, but we couldn’t find one. After you get past all the dope visual effects, we’re left with corny dialogue and phoned-in acting. We expected more from a sequel we waited nearly twenty years to see.

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012): We had so many questions about this movie—Why was Michelle Rodriguez’s character Rain brought back to life? How is Alice (Milla Jovovich) still alive and fighting off the same monsters she was in the first several movies? But our main question still remains: why did this movie even happen?

This post was originally published by The Urban Daily.



Dan O. said...

Most of these, pretty much sucked, others I have yet to see, but Max Payne wasn't all that terrible. I mean it was a bit of a bummer because of all the promise that was there, but being a huge-fan of the game, I thought it fit well with the mood and look. However, Wahlberg was not the best choice for the role and I thought Thomas Jane would have fit it better. Oh well, a guilty pleasure in my book. Nice list Candice.

Daniel said...

Excellent list, all terrible in various ways. Some of them are head scratchers in terms of funding and conception.

Brittani Burnham said...

Great list! House of the Dead is easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I should've walked out.

Unknown said...

Love this list. Super Mario Bros. and Max Payne are genuinely awful! I'd say Tron: Legacy was bad, too, but I'd feel guilty because I fell asleep while watching it - at the theater!

Anonymous said...

I think Super Mario Brother gets a lot of criticism, and I'm not sure it's all valid.

I loved watching it when I was younger. Loved it. But saying that I've not seen it for many years, so it could be absolutely terrible. Same gooes for Street Fighter, though I didn't like that as much.

Tomb Raider was garbage though.

I only saw Max Payne a few days ago but can't really remember what happened. Not good.

Dave Enkosky said...

I remember even when I was thirteen and I saw the Mario Brothers movie I realized how terrible it was.

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