Cinema in Noir: Can Zoe Saldana Pull Off a Nina Simone Biopic?

And that is the real question. Or so we've asked you on today's Cinema In Noir.

R&B singer Mary J. Blige, who was previously cast as Nina Simone in an upcoming biopic, has been mysteriously replaced by Colombiana actress Zoe Saldana for the role of the late jazz singer. We share our thoughts on the casting, which definitely set off a firestorm of comments, both good and bad, on the blogosphere.

We also go over our favorite films from director Tony Scott, who passed away last weekend in California. What are some of your favorite films from the late filmmaker, and what will you remember most about him?

Lastly, we talk up the latest in film news (including which role Blige will step into next), and, in light of the hoopla over the Kristen Stewart cheating scandal, the double standard of celebrity infidelity between men and women in Hollywood?

Check it all out on the recap below:

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[REVIEW] "Premium Rush" Heads Nowhere Fast

"I like to ride. Fixed gear. No brakes. Can't stop. Don't want to, either."

The summer film season always welcomes a slew of high-adrenaline chase scenes and action sequences. But rarely do we ever see them involving a bike messenger. And now we know why.

Two-time Golden Globe nominee (50/50, (500) Days of Summer) Joseph Gordon-Levitt headlines this summer Fast and the Furious on a bike movie, Premium Rush. The actors stars as Harvard law student-turned-bike messenger Wilee, whose task is to pick up and deliver an envelope from all the way uptown Manhattan to lower Manhattan in less than two hours on bike. The self-professed daredevil hops on his two-wheeler and rapidly pedals with amazing vigor to his pickup location. Along the way, the audience is treated to a master class in the day in the life of a bike messenger, which basically entails learning how to get from point A to point B as fast as you can with no brakes while disobeying all traffic and gravity laws.

The movie isn't any more interesting than that brief synopsis, except that director/co-writer David Koepp (Secret Window, Mission Impossible) tries to up the ante by having this particular envelope be one with potentially dangerous content. All of a sudden, Wilee is being chased down for the envelope by Bobby Monday (Michael Shannon), a lunatic police officer. This is at the same time as he's being stalked by a cop on a bike (Christopher Place) who's after him on account of a legit traffic violation, and in the midst of a drawn-out argument with his fellow biker girlfriend, Vanessa (Dania Ramirez). But Wilee only has one thing on his mind--getting that envelope to its requested location (by any means and in record timing).

The pace of the movie is really fantastic, but once you get past that and realize you've been watching a 90-minute bike chase, which isn't nearly as thrilling as the trailer lets on, you begin to deflate. To make matters worse, later in the movie it's revealed what's in the envelope and the film just spins right off its wheels. It tries to become something that it's not--a nuanced crime drama--and ends up looking really silly in the process. On the one hand you've got a high-speed bike pursuit (that does succeed at spotlighting really pretty summer New York sights), and other the other hand you've got a pretty serious (non bike-related) situation going on with Vanessa's roommate Nima Jamie Chung) that's rather loosely tied with Wilee's task. But, really, it's better when you thought the movie was merely one of the straggling cycling events from this year's Olympics.

On the bright side, Gordon-Levitt definitely has the star power and charisma to hold this movie together, though it unfortunately seems like it was already brought to him in shambles. Koepp and John Kamps' (Ghost Town) screenplay is a disjointed mess that's better when it's racing through the streets of Manhattan with no dialogue. While it's cool that the film at least puts you in the driver's seat of a bike messenger--and the camaraderie one has with his fellow deliverymen--it does nothing else to sustain your attention, even with time-shifting elements. In addition, Shannon's cartoony cop is no highlight here either as the character seems as though he fell right out of the Looney Tunes skit. Shannon's usually spot-on talent does nothing to help it here.

The two supporting characters--Vanessa and Nima--are both carelessly written as well, but do manage to highlight two actresses that should probably be getting more acting work (Ramirez and especially Chung). However, that does nothing to elevate the movie, which speed races right to the edge of a cliff, then falls right off it.

Rating: D+

Movie You Need to Be Talking About: "2 Days in New York" [REVIEW]

Chris Rock is arguably one of the smartest comedians we've got right now, a funnyman who's never been afraid to discuss the social/racial differences in our society in his very own brand of brilliant tongue-and-cheek prose. Until recently, the actor has found less critical success on the big screen. That is, until he took on the role as French actress/writer/director Julie Delpy's live-in boyfriend in 2 Days in New York.

Before you see the movie, this is hard to even picture. But once the movie opens with Delpy's self-scribed neurotic photographer and New York City transplant Marion (fresh from 2 Days in Paris) affectionately introducing audiences to her wonderfully supportive radio talk show beau Mingus (Rock), we forget all our misgivings. Rock enters the scene in full-on hipster attire--thick-framed black eyeglasses a flannel button-up sweater--happily in love and cozied up in bed with Delpy.

The two are as snug as two bugs in a rug until Marion's family comes for a brief but tumultuous visit to the Big Apple. They stay with Marion and Mingus (and their two kids from previous marriages) and virtually turn the place upside down. Jeannot (Julie's real-life father Albert Delpy), Marion's dad, is the sausage-obsessed Santa Claus-looking man who always has a smile on his face, even when he stares blankly at Mingus as he tries desperately to interpret his English. Meanwhile, Marion's hypercritical sister Rose (Alexia Landeau) is what Marion herself describes as "an exhibitionist." She's often seen walking around the apartment in only a t-shirt or even less than that (an early morning habit which startled Mingus at one point in the movie). She unexpectedly brings along her pot-smoking boy toy of the moment, Manu (Alex Nahon), much to the horror of his past flame, Marion, which causes an even bigger stir in the house.

So therein lies the setup of this hilarious romp that's half culture clash, half exclamatory romantic comedy for the average lonely and/or neurotic human. Picking up where she left off from her previous episode in Paris (back when Marion was still married to her son's father, Jack), Delpy pens an equally disruptive farce that matures Marion while it also manages to pull out almost every strand of her hair in the process. It's the eve of Marion's big photo exhibit, which is also the same night that she is auctioning her soul (literally, not figuratively--don't ask).

Though the whole "soul" part is never fully explained, even after considering the metaphorical aspect of it, the movie still moves along quite energetically despite it. This farce goes from sweet and lovable to wild and deeply sarcastic--indicative of many quintessential romances. In other words, the film flirts with the standard romcom formula, then rather smoothly thrusts the audience in another direction.

While the scenes featuring Marion's all-over-the-place family are a hoot to watch, Rock's portrayal of a rather subdued character grabs the audience's attention (if not only for his side-splitting facial expressions). Here, he reacts more to a scene rather than spawns the action, but does it impressively and with surprisingly deadpan humor. Mingus is fiercely trying to maintain an element of normalcy--both for his daughter and his piece of mind--while the rest of the characters fall off the reservation (including Marion, who has clearly become unglued by her new guests). With this character, Rock still gets to employ his witty observations with which many of us are familiar and appreciate, but on a much more refined scale.

Simultaneously capturing the New York neurosis and branding her own sense of quirk, Delpy's delightful 2 Days in New York proves that a lot of mess can happen in the span of forty-eight hours. But, even with its brief imperfections, these are two days you'll want to watch over and over again.

Rating: B+

Shia LaBeouf and Tom Hardy are Outlaws in the New Red Band Trailer for "Lawless"

Goodness knows that, after 2010's heavily lackluster yet critically lauded True Grit, we desperately need a good western. And that's just what director John Hillcoat (notably of The Road) hopes to do with Lawless.

The Depression-Era flick unites a high caliber cast--including Jessica Chastain, Guy Pearce, Mia Wasikowska, Gary Oldman and Tom Hardy (fresh off of battling it out in The Dark Knight Rises) --with Shia Lebeouf. But we're going to try to keep an open mind about that last formidable name drop because the trailer actually looks pretty great. It does its job by making you want to see this movie. Like, right now.

Here's a synopsis from the Weinstein Company:

LAWLESS is the true story of the infamous Bondurant Brothers: bootlegging siblings who made a run for the American Dream in Prohibition-era Virginia. In this epic outlaw tale, inspired by true-life tales of author Matt Bondurant’s family in his novel “The Wettest County in the World”, the loyalty of three brothers is put to the test against the backdrop of the nation’s most notorious crime wave.

As per recent reports, LaBeouf is really trying to stay away from the flops blockbusters so he can become that serious actor we he always knew he was. He actually looks sorta believable in the clip below, so here's hoping. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast--including Jason Clarke as one of the Bondurant brothers--appear to be at the top of their game in this movie, which is already gaining awards buzz.

Check out the trailer:



Lawless hits theaters August 29th.

5 Black Women Who Can Make Their Own "Expendables" Team

As the gloriously entertaining meathead movie of the year Expendables 2 annihilates competition at the box office, Hollywood is already putting together an all-women Expendables movie. And,of course, folks have already started thinking about who could fill the female shoes of Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham and Terry Crews.

While actresses like Linda Hamilton and Sigourney Weaver will more than likely be considered (and with good reason), I've compiled a list of five black thespians that hopefully the powers that be in Tinseltown will also take a look at. Check out the choices below:

5) Lynn Whitfield. Martin Lawrence couldn’t run away fast enough way Whitfield in A Thin Line Between Love and Hate. And she was wearing a dress and pearls! Whitfield just has that commanding yet sophisticated demeanor that makes dudes want to step to her and women want to be her. We’re sure she could use that as a weapon when threatened.



4) Angela Bassett. It’s been a while since she’s headlined a major movie, but we know Bassett can get her groove back whenever she wanted to. And we all saw her clock Laurence Fishburne in What’s Love Got To Do With It? and flexed on Green Lantern as the ball-busting Amanda Waller. Give her a rocket launcher (or a book of matches) and watch her go to work.



3) Theresa Randle. There’s really no reason why Randall isn’t in every movie that comes out. She’s a compelling actress, and looks great onscreen, even when she’s whispering sweet nothings in men’s ears in Girl 6. But we’re guessing her underrated status has something to do with the fact that, even at 48 years old, Hollywood is intimidated by her talent. Give her a chance with an Expendables film, and she’ll remind you why she’s still awesome.

2) Grace Jones. At 64 years young, Ms. Jones has been stuntin’ on folks for years. Just last month she performed her classic 1985 tune, “Slave to the Rhythm” wearing a red spandex body suit at Queen Diamond’s Jubilee Concert, and hula-hooped throughout the entire performance! Although she doesn’t have a long acting resume, we bet she could still refer to her vintage performances in Boomerang and A View to a Kill when necessary. Just say the word, Sylvester Stallone.



1) Pam Grier. She’d have to be the ringleader of the bunch. Why? Because she’s had over four decades of ass-kicking experience, that’s why. She could show these cats how it’s really done. And don’t let her have to strap on her ‘fro and dust off her pistol from Coffy. You know she still has it, and it still fits.


This post was originally published on The Urban Daily.

(REVIEW) "Sparkle:" Same Song, Fine Tuned

Not every filmmaker understands the point of a remake. Sure, it's fun to revisit an old classic to gain a new audience, and squeeze out any remaining dollars from the film that there is to be had. But the whole other objective of a remake, the more important aspect, is to enhance the film and modernize it so that it fits in with today's culture and evolved world. And if you can make it even better than its original, well, that's a bonus.

Director Salim Akil's Sparkle, the remake of the 1976 film of the same name, did just that. Revisiting the Motown era (specifically during the '50s and '60s) isn't a new concept in film, but something we don't see often enough when depicting that era is well carved out female stories. Of course, there were plenty of women in music who dominated the charts, but we rarely get to see them take on the dominant role in their personal lives. At least, not so a we should have.

In Sparkle, we have three very different sisters, Tammy aka "Sister" (Carmen Ejogo), Sparkle (Jordin Sparks), and Dolores aka "D" (Tika Sumpter), who each have a dream. D wants to go to medical school. Sister, the oldest sibling, wants to get the hell out of their strict mom's (Whitney Houston) house, once and for all. And Sparkle, the youngest and most timid of the three, wants a chance--a chance to become a famous singer and songwriter. With encouragement from her dashing admirer, Stix (Derek Luke), Sparkle enlists her two older sisters in their own singing group so that they can each finally see their dreams come true.

But right at the height of a promising career, life throws them some curve balls. Sister, always looking for the next quick and easy (and lucrative) opportunity, meets and falls hard for the "coon" comedian extraordinaire Satin (Mike Epps). She quickly gets entangled in his lies, deceit and utter immoralities and spirals downwards, taking her sisters' singing group down with her. That is, until Sparkle finds the voice she'd kept hidden for so long, which will carry her to the next phase of her life and shine like she always dreamed she would.

Admittedly, Sparkle's storyline is the one cliched and predictable element carried over from the original movie. Sparks gives a fine performance but, like Irene Cara before her, doesn't have much to work with and her real-life singing voice provides the most memorable scenes in her performance. What's not so expected in this re-imagining is the heightened point of view of the other characters in the story. Emma, the girls' mom, isn't just a wise older woman with few dialogue but who dutifully captures the parental element of the story, as she is in the original film. Emma is now a very present mother in the story, someone who rules her house with a sharp but loving tongue, and one who is quick to recite passages from Scripture to remind her daughters of who's really in control. Emma is also a "cautionary" character, as she herself alludes to but  is careful not to define in the movie (as delivered in an eerily familiar and poignant performance by the late Houston). She is heavily nuanced and delicately penned by screenwriters Mara Brock Akil (TV's Girlfriends and The Game) and Harry Rosenman (Father of the Bride, The Family Man).

Also fine tuned for a razor-sharp performance is the role of Sister. She was always the most complicated character of the bunch, formerly played by the eternally underrated actress Lonette McKee (in one of her best roles). While Ejogo's portrayal almost mirrors that of McKee's (which is high praise), Sister doesn't come across as similarly damaged as she did in the previous movie. She settles on a rather mature consequence for decisions she's made, which in turn allows her character to linger just a bit longer here, and leave a lasting impression on the audience.

Another unforgettable character portrayal is that of D played by Sumpter. If you've seen the original film, you might not even remember much of anything substantial about this third sister, except that she was her mother's mute pride and joy. She was the one with the bright future whose feelings about the whole music thing is, as she further explains in this movie, are that she can "really take or leave it." This remake does a better job at explaining a lot more behind her actions--i.e. why she's more fearless than her other sisters in a lot of ways (she really has nothing here to lose) and why she won't sacrifice everything for someone else's dream. Sumpter, with help from the screenplay, gives D a backbone, a steel tongue to deliver the film's wittiest and most entertaining dialogue that will cut through even the most dramatic scenes. Sparkle might have been the character in search of a voice, but it is D whose voice had become magnified and clearer.

Epps also gives a surprisingly good performance here as well. And he's got a lot to work with. Satin isn't just the fleeting bad guy who comes to terrorize the Sister and her Sisters trio. He's definitely not a guy you root for, but there is more to his story here. He has much more purpose. Epps sheds his comedic image to possibly play the role of his career, but uses some of that comedian swagger in a way that complements Satin's own demons. Meanwhile, the other fellas in the cast, Luke and Omari Hardwick (who plays Levi, Sister's jilted ex) contribute good--however serviceable--portrayals in an overwhelmingly female-driven movie.

Thirty-six years after the original release of Sparkle, women are still searching for a sizable number of distinctive and identifiable lead roles on the big screen. This film gives each actress a real arch, a meaty snack to chew on as they flex core acting muscles. It proves that there are still wonderful roles for women--of any color--to make their own and of which one day can look back on and be proud.

While the original film is rightfully regarded as a classic, this year's Sparkle appropriately adds that exclamation point the first film lacked, and fleshes out each character's story so that they seem real, like people you may know. Even though it's essentially a period film, this remake clearly has that new millennium edge we so desperately need to more of.

Rating: A-

Cinema in Noir's List of Guilty Pleasure Movies

We're ba-ack! Yes, the ladies of Cinema in Noir are back at our usual day and time (Sundays at 6pm EST).

Today we shared our reviews of Celeste and Jesse Forever, Total Recall, The Bourne Legacy, and Red Hook Summer. We also go over the latest headlines in film, including the possibility of Ben Affleck directing the much talked about Justice League movie, and Just Wright scribe Michael Elliott penning the sequel to the 1995 film Waiting to Exhale.

We also unveil our favorite guilty pleasure movies. And yes, they are extra guilty with a side of cheese. Step Up anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Ok..

And lastly, we end the show with a discussion of violence in movies in light of the Aurora, Colorado, movie theater shooting last month. Is modifying movies and delaying release dates the answer?

Listen to a recap of today's show below:

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REVIEW: "Red Hook Summer" is Not That Cold Glass of Lemonade You Ordered

There comes a time when an exceptional director does his "passion project," the film that he's been wanting to make for so long but has been too busy doing good movies to take the time out. For Spike Lee, that film is Red Hook Summer.

Continuing his ode to his beloved New York City burrough of Brooklyn, Lee introduces us to Flik (Jules Brown), a young boy from a middle class family in Atlanta who has been forced by his mother (De'Adre Aziza) to spend the summer in Red Hook, Brooklyn, to stay with his grandfather, who he never met before, in the projects. There seems to be a bigger reason why his mother would send Flik to Brooklyn, but it is never directly explained in the movie, which is one of its many flaws.

Instantly, Flik is bothered by everything about his temporary new home--his bishop grandfather Enoch (Clark Peters), whose constant prayers and preaching conflict with Flik's fiercely irreligious swagger, his daily chores (which includes handing out The Word to the neighbors), and Enoch's no TV or computer rule and unwavering meal menu unsuitable for Flik's vegan appetite. Flik is feeling none of it.

The movie starts off really slow and, without the knowledge of why Flik was sent to his grandfather, often frustrating to watch. While it's clear Brown and Peters are engaging actors, Enoch and Flik are constantly at each other's throats, bickering about their differences. And Enoch never ceases to try to preach The Word to Flik, either directly or indirectly at the pulpit in church. It becomes exasperating to listen to, and that's pretty much three quarters of the movie.

However, things start to take a lighter turn with the addition of Chazz (Toni Lysaith), another neighborhood youngster who befriends Flik. Chazz brings a comedic flair to the movie, but Lysaith's over-dramatization of Chazz becomes annoying and eye roll worthy. The incessant head-rolling and finger-wagging is enough to make you gag. Another actress along the lines of Keke Palmer would have been just fine here.

On the other hand, Peters is quite compelling to watch in his performance, but his character will most certainly be a turnoff for most. How Enoch progresses in the film, and the turn he takes later on, is neither subtle nor well executed. Once the audience gets to that point in the film, they would have just about given up on the whole thing.

It's a real shame because there are some good elements here. As mentioned before, Brown and Peters are both good, and so is Heather Simms (who plays Chazz's mom). The scenes between Peters and Simms are especially good because they seem to explain more about the film in a few minutes than any other scene does. Brown's big screen debut is also an impressive one, but with a tighter screenplay it would have been even better. Same goes for Nate Parker, who plays a thug in the movie and carries the only real glimmer of well developed nuance in the film.

Just like many religion-inspired movies, Red Hook Summer asks more questions than tells us anything, but it leaves the audience alienated and exasperated. The gaping holes in the development of the characters, plus the cheesy and rushed ending weighs the movie down even further. This is not what you'd expect from a filmmaker like Lee (who makes a cameo in the movie as his Do the Right Thing character, Mookie). It comes off embarrassingly amateurish at times, but other times the sentimental moments will captivate you, but only for a moment. Here's hoping Oldboy will be better.

Rating: D+

5 Things You'll learn From "The Bourne Legacy"

While you're perhaps still wrestling with the fact that the Jason Bourne chronicles aren't over as you were led to believe in The Bourne Ultimatum, and that the series has been rebooted without its star Matt Damon, I'd like to offer some comfort to those still recovering from the trauma of it all.

The Bourne Legacy is finally here, and it's even got a few awesome takeaways I've jotted down to prepare you for the movie.

But first, here's a recap of the official synopsis in case you need it:

The narrative architect behind the Bourne film series, Tony Gilroy, takes the helm in the next chapter of the hugely popular espionage franchise that has earned almost $1 billion at the global box office: The Bourne Legacy. The writer/director expands the Bourne universe created by Robert Ludlum with an original story that introduces us to a new hero (Jeremy Renner) whose life-or-death stakes have been triggered by the events of the first three films.

For The Bourne Legacy, Renner joins fellow series newcomers Rachel Weisz, Edward Norton, Stacy Keach and Oscar Isaac, while franchise veterans Albert Finney, Joan Allen, David Strathairn and Scott Glenn reprise their roles.

In no particular order, here are a few things you'll learn after watching the movie:

1. Jeremy Renner makes a nice substitute for Matt Damon. Relax. No, he's not Matt Damon (but then again, there can really only be one, right?). But Renner does have a similar acting trait that Damon possesses, as the thinking man's action hero. In other words, he's not your typical gravity-defying, kung fu-chopping action star. Rather, he's the type that has the audience equally as engaged with his stunts as they are with his line delivery. As rogue CIA agent Aaron Cross with a target on his back, he's incredibly pensive yet quick-thinking, tense yet witty all in one scene. He's just the type of actor you need for this type of role (if Damon isn't available, of course).

2. Rachel Weisz is a really good runner. And she was doing a lot of it here. Seriously. She plays a scientist--A SCIENTIST!--on the run with Aaron from a couple of shady CIA Ops (lead by Edward Norton). While she's a bit jarred at the beginning of the movie when she discovers her lab has been compromised and people are trying to kill her, she does adjust fairly quickly when her life is at stake. Sprinting through the Phillipine streets (where she and Renner take temporary refuge) like an Olympic champ, outrunning trained bad guys desperate to snatch her up, Weisz proves that Renner isn't the only one who's quick on his feet

3. It opens up a whole new can of worms (and that's not always a good thing). I'm not going to pretend that this was was a necessary follow-up to a near flawlessly conclusive third film, even if it was fine in its own right. Midway through the film you begin to consider the possibility of new storylines the film introduces (some of which are not entirely explained), the new characters each with his own shadowy layer, and you become burdened by the thought of going down that long, swirling road we're all too familiar with again. Combine the characters played by Julia Stiles and Franka Potente, and you've got Dr. Shearing (Weisz). And while Finney, Allen, Straithairn and Glenn are all back, each of them are used merely as a brief passing object in a much wider scheme, which makes it that much more exhausting to think about what else is to come. It may be easier, and cleaner, at this point to take this to the small screen.

4. Edward Norton is back, baby! After an incredibly impressive start to his career with movies like Primal Fear, Norton's filmography has since wavered. His talent was always there, but his films have been scattered. But his turn as Retired Col. Eric Byer, USAF was so classic Norton--focused, deliberate, with a comfort in playing a man who's too smart to hate, too ruthless to ignore. It's excellent to watch.

5. Tony Gilroy is a master at building intense scenes. Tackling the simultaneously slick and tough world of secret ops is nothing unfamiliar with Gilroy, who wrote all four Bourne movies. But it is quite the undertaking to both write and direct the film, as he does here. We're talking about creating heart-pounding, high-adrenaline scenes that were meticulously balanced with the compact and extremely careful dialogue.
That's not an easy task to pull off, especially when you've got a film like this that is fueled by the urgent need to get everywhere fast, and with often little time to explain where and why. Gilroy further keeps your interest by adding witty one liners that only an actor like Renner can deliver. So that should count for something.

Rating: B

The Bourne Legacy is in theaters Friday.

Kathryn Bigelow Returns to the Battlefield to Hunt Down Osama Bin Laden in "Zero Dark Thirty" [TRAILER]

Regardless of what you might think of direct Kathryn Bigelow's Academy Award win for 2009's The Hurt Locker (I was underwhelmed by it overall), you can't really deny the fact that she pushes the limit. The limit of which type of films a female filmmaker can do, and which stories she chooses to tell.

Bigelow follows up her gargantuan previous movie with Zero Down Thirty, which follows the nail-biting pursuit of wanted terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

The official synopsis:

Zero Dark Thirty tells the story of the SEAL team that tracked down and killed Osama bin Laden, as well as the events that led up to the mission itself. The movie is directed by Kathryn Bigelow and written by Mark Boal, the director-writer duo that brought us "The Hurt Locker." The movie stars Chris Pratt, Jessica Chastain, Mark Strong, Scott Adkins, Joel Edgerton and Kyle Chandler.

The new teaser trailer gives you just a taste of Bigelow's signature provocative style and intelligent storytelling. She teamed up once again with her Hurt Locker scribe Boal, and has assembled a fairly daring cast here. Chastain is usually excellent, as is Mark Strong, but Edgerton and Chandler can be real hit or miss. Here's hoping the film delivers.

Zero Dark Thirty hits theaters December 19th.

REVIEW: Total Recall (Where the Dream Collapsed)

"If I'm not me, then who the hell am I?"

Don't be alarmed by the headline. Those of you looking for your average, run-of-the-mill popcorn flick (minus the butter and hold the salt) can look no further because Total Recall 2.0, otherwise known as Total Recall for the new(er) millennium, is finally here.

And it's gloriously ridiculous, just the way you ordered it.

The remake of the 1990 sci-fi film of the same title, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, gets a facelift for a new audience that manages to keep enough of the same premise: An average Joe, Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell), goes on a virtual vacation to become a super spy in his dream life in order to escape the banality of his real life as a factory worker and husband to his wife , Lori (Kate Beckinsale). But as he falls deeper into this self-made fantasy, the lines between his real life and his dream world blur. All of a sudden he's a wanted man in a a unsettled, futuristic environment that's bursting at the seams, both politically and literally, all on account of one volatile man, Chancellor Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston). He stumbles onto safe ground with rebel fighter, Melina (Jessica Biel), but their fate is not guaranteed, and Doug finds himself once again on the run.

While the original certainly wasn't above a remake, it is still quite an undertaking to take on. There are so many opportunities to make a remake better, but this film didn't attempt none of them. As you can imagine (and probably remember from the original film), there's a lot plot here. But what this remake does better than its predecessor is that it makes you care more about Doug (more on account of its screenplay, not Farrell's performance). While the original did a better job at creating a far scarier and more dire fantasy world, Schwarzenegger (with no help from the screenplay) just didn't convince the audience to feel any type of emotion for him, which made the supporting characters that much more interesting.

Farrell as Doug doesn't really have an emotional connection with the audience either, even though the updated screenplay calls for that. He's less wooden than Schwarzenegger, but he spends so much time trying to gain the audience's affection toward him (unsuccessfully) that he neglects to elicit the same sense of urgency and duplicity that he needs to fulfill the character. It just falls flat.

Even the the cinematography, as slick and impressive as it is, fails to give you the same sense of decrepit wasteland that the original did effortlessly. While the more progressive side of the world, ruled by Cohaagen, looks appropriately straight out of The Jetsons with its flying cars and automated everything, the other side of the world aptly looks like the inside of a garbage pail, but with a lot less horror. It's just not right.

But, on the other hand, what is done right is the casting of Beckinsale, who does employ the right amount of artifice for her character. Sometimes you love her, other times you hate her. But you always get her, which is what matters most. Regardless of what you think of Beckinsale (who's actually pretty great in her dramatic roles, whenever she gets them), she surely works well with husband Len Wiseman, who directed this film and all four Underworld movies.

Then there's Biel and Cranston. As usual, Biel is serviceable here. She, like Anne Hathaway, is the type of actress that can move the plot, but should never be the plot, which serves her well here. There really is nothing memorable about her performance, except the sharp contrast from Beckinsale's. Cranston was deliciously wicked, just like you always dreamed your captain villain would be in a summer blockbuster. Too bad he isn't given more substance in his role. If you've seen any episode of Breaking Bad, you'd know that he could certainly handle that.

While it tries to capture some of the same elements of the original, Total Recall is not nearly as gripping. It's not even the timeless B-movie the original can at least boast. With an overwrought plot and an almost clueless lead character depiction, it will surely alienate some fans. But, it has catfights, flying cars, deliriously long chase scenes and....Farrell without his shirt. So...there's that.

Rating: D+

Rashida Jones Takes the Romance Out of the Romantic Comedy, "Celeste and Jesse Forever"

Rashida Jones has managed to do what few actors, regardless of color or gender, have done before her--write and star in a modern romantic comedy that neither belittles its audience nor creates a bombastic utopia of what love looks like.

In her debut directorial effort, Celeste and Jesse Forever, the Parks and Recreation and The Office star explores what really happens after the love is gone. Or, in the case of this movie, what happens to two people who love each other but are not in love with each other.


Jones plays Celeste, a hard-working image consultant happily separated from her long-time best friend and husband Jesse (Andy Samberg). Happily, because the two still manage to hang out every day, live together (well, he technically lives in their garage), and even share laughs over the same corny inside joke. Their relationship hasn't changed really, except for the fact that they don't have sex. But who's counting that?

Jesse is more of a laid back kind of dude, one of those fellas who inspire movies like Wedding Crashers or Old School. In other words, he's an out-of-work overgrown frat boy posing as a semi-adult in order to stay afloat. And Celeste has had enough, which is why their romantic relationship is on the skids.


The awkwardness of the situation has become more of an issue with the couple's friends, namely Beth and Tucker (Ari Graynor and Eric Christian Olsen), who find hanging out with them now at an all-time high on the uncomfortable meter.


And therein lies the beauty of C&J Forever: it doesn't pretty-fy a breakup by making each party look guilty of being specifically wrong or specifically right, and it doesn't overdramatize it either. In essence, the movie is a two-hour breakup between two people who love each other dearly, and would rather not give up that love just because the romance has gone away.

Jones really establishes herself as one of the most overlooked lead actress around. She commands the screen here as a the breadwinner of a broken home that's not all the way broken. She's charming, hilarious, and appropriately quiet when the scene calls for it. But she knows just when to hike up the physical comedy, Bridesmaids-style, when Celeste starts to descend on her downward spiral once Jesse tips the see-saw in their relationship. Like Kristin Wiig, she's created a relatable female character you want to hug, avoid, and with whom you want to laugh all at the same time. Celeste's storyline is wonderfully nuanced, and indicative of the age-old conundrum where the woman's professional life soars as her personal life goes down the drain. In C&J Forever, both start to hit the fan at the same time, and in equal measures.


Samberg also holds up his end of the lead character plot in a surprising performance not at all like his small screen personas on SNL. While he has the audience in stitches on the sketchy comedy show, he wears his heart on his sleeve in C&J Forever, and becomes the other emotional anchor of the movie. Just as any good actor who shares the lead with another, he makes the audience empathize with his character, even when we sometimes feel we shouldn't. He's like that teddy bear you want to slap sometimes. He may not have always signed on to do the most memorable projects (That's My Boy anyone?), but he's really stumbled onto something really good here, something that shows what else he can do.

The supporting actors are also really delightful to watch. Graynor is abrasively adorable as Celeste's BFF, and really says the things we as an audience are thinking about Celeste, but aren't in the movie to tell her ourselves. And her better half, Olsen, is also fun to watch.

Chris Messina (with whom Jones stars in 2010's lackluster drama, Monogamy) plays a small role in the movie as a guy Celeste meets in yoga, and is is just as forgettable in this movie. He always seems to be booking roles, however unremarkable, but he has yet to find his breakout role.

On the other hand, Will McCormack, who co-wrote the screenplay with Jones, leaves a pretty indelible mark on the movie. Not only did he help come up with the clever lines and uncliched twists in the movie, he also pretty hilarious as Skillz, Celeste and Jesse's pot-smoking mutual friend who's caught in the middle of an ongoing breakup on a further decline. Emma Roberts and Elijah Wood are also not to be missed as Celeste's unruly new client and work husband, respectively.

Celeste and Jesse Forever is that much needed refreshing take on the modern romantic comedy that's become worn down by repeated tries and mediocre duplicates. It takes chances and bends the genre from what we expect, which is what any good movie should do. We'll be waiting to see what Jones comes up with next.

Rating: A-

That One Time, When Lee Daniels Made Nicole Kidman a Swampy Seductress and Zac Efron a Man

I'm sure this is going for the dramatic, and not the funny. But I can't stop LOL'ing.

The trailer for The Paperboy, critically panned ridiculed at its debut at the Cannes Film Festival earlier this year, has finally reared its unnatural head at which the rest of us can poke fun.

Director Lee Daniels, known for his heavy handednes yet unforgettable projects like Precious and Shadowboxer (the latter of which is like nails on a chalk board), helms a hilariously schizophrenic cast featuring Matthew McConnaughey, Zac Efron, Macy Gray, John Cusack, Nicole Kidman, Scott Glenn, Daniel Oyelowo in an absurdly interesting drama detailed after the jump:

The story of a young man who returns to his small Florida home town to help his reporter brother uncover the truth about a man on death row, who might have been wrongly convicted. In the process, he falls for the convict’s lover. Conflict, danger, deceit, seduction and betrayal ensue.

Efron (you know, from High School Musical) plays this "young man," and McConnaughey plays his older reporter brother. And, wait for it, Kidman plays the woman betrothed to this convict (randomly played by Cusack).

I don't know when was the last time Kidman could play a trashy southern seductress, but I don't believe it was recently. At least, however, her face looks a little less cemented than usual in this clip. In other words, we're getting some emotion here. But she makes Efron look like....an escapee from High School Musical. He just seems lost.

As does John Cusack, who looks like he auditioning for a role in a good film, but stumbled onto this set instead. Too bad, he is really is a good actor, usually.

But, on the upside of things, McConaughey is back in the type of role we can all respect him in (other than his pants-dropping and shirt-shedding fare in films like Magic Mike) as the role of the gumshoe reporter.

It's really hard to get past what what this trailer looks like, but the premise is actually quite intriguing. Given, perhaps, a more enticing cast and a less swampy, it might have been more appealing (more John Grisham-like). But we never really will know until we sit down to watch it ourselves.

Oh, and word on the street is Kidman urinates on Efron in the movie....so there's something that may tickle you're fancy (or not).

The Paperboy is set to release in theaters October 5th.