Another one bites the dust. That was all I could muster as a reaction to THE BOY, which, you may remember, was on my list of most anticipated horror films of 2016. And while we're at it, The Forest was also an epic fail. This is so disappointing. Here it is, Friday the 13th, and the only horror film opening today is the lackluster-looking The Darkness (sorry, Kevin Bacon, this doesn't look great). And the DVD releases are nothing to brag about either.
Rather than revisiting the slightly older--yet equally bad--The Forest, I am going to focus this post on THE BOY because how can a doll that looks like this not be horrifying?
Chucky turned into a crazy-faced porcelain boy, That dastardly clown in Poltergeist still gives me nightmares. But little boy Brahms (aka the doll above) is actually not scary at all. In fact, the expression you see here on its face remains the same throughout the whole movie. But all the human characters in the film are terrified of him--including The Walking Dead's Lauren Cohan, who plays the film's protagonist and Brahm's "babysitter" Greta (also: who names their baby Greta anymore?). I am so disappointed that Cohan goes from kicking some serious zombie ass on one of the greatest shows on TV right now to being punked by a porcelain doll on the big screen. Reason #89,697 why more actresses are flocking to the small screen.
A quick briefer on THE BOY: Greta is recruited to work for the Hellshires, an English couple who is in seriously deep denial that their young son is no longer. So much so that they actually hire babysitters to care for their pretend son, who they've reimagined as a doll. Greta later realizes things are a lot more...complicated in the Heelshire family. And none of it really has anything to do with this doll. Worst of all, this movie is not scary. Not even when the music elevates, it starts pouring outside, it's dark, and Greta's alone in the huge house. STILL. NOT. SCARY.
All this to say, today is going to be another Friday the 13th when I will likely stay home and watch hours of Friday the 13th movies. And I'm fine with that.